Mindless Interview Part I

Disclaimer: Many people have asked me whether this is a real interview. Sorry to disappoint you, its fictitious and a segment of my imagination. It's my sarcastic take on what might happen in such an interview.

My friend recently met up with Pramod Muthalik, for an interview. She is a journalist for a national daily and Mr. Muthalik was very candid in his views. Without much horsing around, let’s get down to the details of the interview.

Women Journalist (WJ): It is no pleasure of mine that I have to talk to you. But anyway welcome to the interview.

Pramod Muthalik (PM): How can a woman have pleasure without a man’s permission anyway? I am very happy to be here. I haven’t been in NEWS for quite sometime.

WJ: So on a lighter note, what did you do with ‘pink chaddies’?

PM: It didn’t fit me well, so I gave it to my brother’s son. The color is fading, cheap quality.

WJ: It was for you so… on hindsight do you think what you did was correct?

PM: No, I don’t think so. I had instructed my people not to hit any boys in the party. But, my people got carried away and hit some boys too. You see those boys in the party had a right to be there, if we had left them alone, this wouldn’t have been an issue. So definitely it wasn’t right. ‘Sene – Ram Sene’

WJ: Is it right to hit girls? Isn’t it against our culture?

PM: Even ‘Vedas’ says, respect and worship woman in a saree, go check it if you want to. Women wearing anything other then a saree are demons in disguise. This is in ‘Upanisheds’, check it if you want to.

WJ: So you believe that we should go back in time, revive customs like ‘Sati’?

PM: Definitely, Sati is a wonderful practice. Some person called Raja Ram Mohan Roy fought against it; he just wanted to be in social science text books for years to come. Our customs have a meaning, scientific in nature. You see first of all, what will a widow do? She is a burden on the society. You complain about population explosion, this is how we used to control it. You tell me, what will a woman do without a man? Its better she dies. But, there is an exception, if she is fit enough, she can do house work and be a mid-wife and things like that, then we will shave her head and keep her. We are very considerate.

WJ: How wonderful. Why don’t you become the prime-minister of the country?

PM: I will, only if they change the name of the country to ‘Bharat’ or ‘Ram Rajya’. ‘Sene – Ram Sene.’

WJ: There is a section of people who say, you are doing this only because you or your boys couldn’t get good looking girls/girlfriends. Just out of jealousy you are attacking them.

PM: That isn’t true. Even if it is true, what is wrong with it? See India is a socialist country. The resources of the country should be distributed equally. Good looking girls are one such resource. Before, these girls used to walk or go in buses, where our boys could meet them; nowadays they have vehicles and go to pubs, where will my boys meet them? This isn’t fair. If we can’t have them they can’t have them too.

WJ: So you have alleged that these girls are being led astray by boys from other religions? Are these girls easily gullible? Why do you think they are doing this?

PM: No no, women by themselves have no brains. They always follow what men say. So when a boy from other religion comes and talks; they just follow him, so we should always have women tied in the house. See if you let your cattle free in the forest, won’t the wolf come and eat it. So the first step is, securing out cattle, then we will hunt the wolf. ‘Sene-Ram Sene’.

WJ: So you feel women by themselves shouldn’t have a choice? You don’t respect their choice?

PM: They do, definitely. I respect women and I worship women. I respect their choice. In my house the women never asks whether they should make rice or ‘chappati’ for dinner, it’s entirely their choice. I really respect women.

WJ: How very encouraging. Do you think women should be given equal share in property?

PM: They should be given equal share. Infact in our culture they are always given equal share. Just that we give it to our sons-in-law. Women can never handle money, so we give it to the son-in-law, this people call 'dowry.' The media simple make an issue out of it and campaigns against it. Actually it’s a Pakistani propaganda to tarnish Indian culture. Now you know 'dowry' is a good thing. Look daughter, not everything old is bad.

WJ: But, there have been instances where people have burnt their daughters-in-law for 'dowry'?

PM: Once again, media propaganda, Pakistani conspiracy. You see when a man is in doubt about his wife’s fidelity, what must he do? Remember Ramayana, when Lord Rama wanted to test Sita ‘Mata’, what did he do? He set her on fire. Now did the fire harm her? No. So, even now to test your wife’s fidelity you have to set ther on fire. You can’t go to court and police station for this. It’s a matter of shame. Now by the number of deaths; you have an estimate how many women have gone astray? This is exactly what we are fighting. ‘Sene – Ram Sene’

WJ: I have never been more disgusted in my life. I am a woman journalist. What do you have to say to that?

PM: That’s what I was thinking, whether to slap you before or after the interview. I decided it will be a good parting gift.

Part II coming soon…..